It’s funny how every piece of life is mixed up with something else. How a song one ex introduced you to reminds of a different ex. How a song you once couldn’t listen to without being reduced to a quietly desperate pile of a tears has been turned into a bittersweet memory of the man you love. How you can be so similar to a woman across the world whom you’ve never met.
And a best friend’s blog can make you think about the many choices we make. To leave and never come back. To break up in fear. To stay together for love. To leave for sanity. To let someone in. To let someone go. To understand and to love. All the doors that were open that you choose to close or walk past. And to know that where you are is a good place. It’s a different place than other places you could have been and a different place than other people are at. But it’s good nonetheless. Yet. Somehow. The knowledge of and happiness in that goodness will never quite quell the what ifs and when wills. And that is okay.
I dropped “Cross Country” off at the airport yesterday. He might come back engaged. How odd that I should be the one dropping him off and telling him good luck and then driving away with a huge WHAT IF flashing above my head so bright and big I’m surprised he didn’t see it.